Clouds

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Clouds as the ones I saw last week in Castille; clouds in the sky, clouds in the eyes of my old auntie. I’ve never realised that her eyes are of a deep-blue, almost violet shade. I didn’t recall the colour, as she doesn’t remember well where she’s lived for the past forty years, but remembers perfectly their (her and my mom’s) small village in Aragon, and asked me many times during my visit if I ever return to the pueblo. I’ve been there only once when I was I guess ten years old, for the funeral of a distant unknown relative.

What is worse when growing old, to have a clear mind trapped in a dying body or having a relatively well-functioning one for a 86 year-old but with a mind full of clouds and gaps? One of the things that have shocked me the most during my visit was not the reflection of time in a once well-known body, nor when she told me Do you know that G. [me] will visit me also?, but the lack of books in her room. I always remember my aunt’s bedroom and house full of books; most of them dealing with philosophy, or religion. Therefore, if that’s the dilemma, if the price to pay to have at the end a happy but absent mind in a decadent body is to give up books, I guess I’d rather choose a clear mind trapped in a dying body.

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Sunset in Zamora (Spain). My pic
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Vault in Salamanca’s cathedral. My pic
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View of the city of Zamora. My pic
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Holy Friday in Zamora. My pic
 

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6 thoughts on “Clouds

  1. I’m in total agreement. I have two friends now who are watching a parent’s decline and both situations make me grateful that my mother was lucid until her body gave out. Best wishes to you and your aunt.

    1. Thank you for your kind words. It’s a tough dilemma whether to renounce to what makes us human as a condition to leave this world without suffering. For what I’ve seen, my aunt is quite happy right now but… is she still “she”?

      1. If she’s not troubled by her losses … I don’t know. It’s really hard. We are beginning to see that it will be the opposite situation with my father, that his brain will fail before his body does, and the initial signs are really bothering him.

  2. Your photos in conjunction with these thoughts are moving. My mother in law (in her 90s) is experiencing a loss of short term memory now, which makes it difficult to hold a conversation. But she still seems to be able to read, which is a blessing for her.

    1. Thank you linnet. I think those pics reflect the general mood of the post, even if that trip, even if brief, have many other beautiful things as to be in company of a dearest friend and her family. It’s been a roaller-coaster of emotions and indeed my body has paid the price. What I thought was a small flu has developed in a bigger one, fortunately now healing definitely.

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